Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity.
~ 1 Timothy 5:1-2
Listen to any Ben Stuart sermon series on dating and you will hear the point (and I agree) that:
Singleness is for Devotion (to the Lord)
and, Dating is for Evaluation (can you get along).
Unless the first person you pursue (or are pursued by) you marry; the evaluation process doesn’t always end in marriage. Leaving the process of either remaining friends or awkwardly avoiding the other person for the rest of your life. Remembering that as believers, we are first and foremost family as brothers and sisters in Christ how we respond matters.
Oftentimes, the breakup or the end of the pursuit in hope of a date can be awkward, especially when you attend the same church or have the same group of friends. You know you will see each other; it never fails no matter how big or small the church is you come walking in and the first person you see is “them.” Perhaps you put your head down and act like you didn’t see them, or try to hurry to find someone else to talk to, or just awkwardly say “Hi, how are you?…”
Lets just be honest here, the interaction shortly after a breakup can be awkward, but how we interact matters, how we respond in our hearts and to the other person matters.
So, what do we do when the answer is no?
Our First Love
We remember that our first love is Christ and if singleness is for devotion to the Lord, then the Lord is granting us an extended period of time to pursue Him. Perhaps there is more the Lord is seeking to teach us, or there more of us that He is seeking to remove in order to make us more like Him.
We must remember that until we love the Lord rightly we will never love a spouse rightly. So in our singleness we have a period of time set aside to fully pursue the Lord, to go deeper with Him; allowing us to grow and be shaped more into His Image. The end results, your future spouse will thank you for.
We are Brothers / Sisters in Christ
We remember that we are first and foremost brothers and sisters in Christ. That because of the work on the cross we have been adopted into the Family of God. This is a point I always want to put before singles, especially when they meet. As believers, members of the Family, we are brothers and sisters in Christ first, and we are to live our lives as such.
When we remember that we are brothers and sisters first, some of the awkwardness of meeting new people and remaining friends post-breakup is removed. We are able to remember they are family and as family we are commanded to love them. It is this love that the world is to behold to know we are His disciples.
Lastly, we remember our identity isn’t wrapped up in our relationship status, but has been purchased for us on the cross. We are sons and daughters of the Father, and have been adopted into the heavenly family. We have been created in the image of God and called to Him, our identity is found in Him.
As we remember who we are in Christ, we remember who He is. We remember that He is a sovereign God, who is loving and One who is after our ultimate joy not our current happiness. That He is a good Father who does good for His children; remembering that He has been faithful countless times for us in the past and can be trusted with our future.
Even when the answer is no, we have the unique opportunity to put the love of Christ on display for a watching world to behold. Whether we are single, dating, or married, how we interact with one another matters, because it is telling the world a lot about our God.
Thank you so much for this reminder! I especially thought the section on identity was helpful. Our identity is in Christ and Christ alone! Thanks, Nick!